When I was growing up, nearly everyday at 4 o’clock you could count on The Oprah Show being on in our house. My mom was a huge fan, and we were all so sad when the show aired its final episode. I remember one show in particular that was about weight loss where Oprah shared a lightbulb moment regarding emotional eating. She asked: “What are you really hungry for?”*
Reflecting on my own hunger, there are times that I reach for food that have nothing to do with real hunger.
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If you are really hungry, you don’t have to ask yourself if you are. You just know. After a hard soccer game, I know that I am hungry. When my stomach growls five hours after my last meal, I know that I am ready for my next one. Real hunger is associated with physical signs like a grumbling stomach or a general weak feeling.
Fake hunger resides mostly in my mouth. Maybe it’s getting kind of stale in there, and I decide a sweet bite of something will make it taste better. Maybe I’ve been working for two hours and crunching on a snack sounds like a nice change of scenery. Maybe I’ve just seen something delicious that has me salivating for a bite.
For years I’ve been using a green beans test to see if I am really hungry. I actually like canned green beans, but they aren’t exactly gourmet. But if canned green beans sound delicious, then I am ready for a meal. If I mentally turn down the green beans but a cookie or cereal or other ‘snackier’ foods sound good, then I’m not really hungry yet – I’m just looking for something sweet to change my mood.
When Oprah asks “What are you really hungry for?”, she’s inviting us to reflect on our emotions and see if we are really craving company, a break, intellectual stimulation, a friend, a celebration, peace or other feelings. There are ways to satisfy our emotions that don’t involve food. If we can figure out an alternative route to satisfy our emotions (or stale palates!) then we are on the right track to having a healthier relationship with food.
How does hunger manifest for you?
*I noticed there is a book with this same title. Perhaps this book is related to Oprah’s episode I remember?
This post hits home so well. I’m constantly emotionally eating, it’s always all-or-nothing for me… I’ve made many attempts and I’ve gotten better, but it’s still something I struggle with on a daily basis.
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Me too! I struggle with emotional eating, And a lot of it stems from loneliness and depression. How common is emotional eating in Hong kong?
I love this green bean test! I’m gonna give it a try.
Me too Alyssa! But for Me, it’ll be with something like another type of veggie.
The green bean test is such a good idea. I have leftover green beans in the fridge right now, I’m going to try that today! I’ve noticed I get snacky during nap time and I know it’s really just that I’m craving a break. Sometimes it works for me to just make a cup of tea instead.
I use something similar – la croix! Rather, the Harris Teeter store brand! But I also love canned green beans, so I think that’s a really funny test!
I agree that it’s so important to be evaluating our feelings and to learn how to become more in tune with what it is we are actually wanting/needing in the moment. I would add, though, that it’s completely ok to sometimes eat for reasons other than hunger. Back in my days of disordered eating patterns, I was really trying to satisfy my hunger needs, but I had totally neglected the need for pleasure and enjoyment and often the social benefits of food and beverage.
I really like the last paragraph of your post where you bring up some alternative things we might really be craving and I think they are good ideas to meditate on.
For me personally, if I’m craving a browning but I’m not hungry, I still might have a small brownie. Years of dieting taught me the more I avoid a specific craving and try to replace it with something else, the more I’ll end up eating and still find myself unsatisfied.
We could all use tools in our skill set that help us handle things (emotions, stress, social settings, etc) in a way that is actually helpful and healing, and often food isn’t the answer and it’s good to know that. But for anyone reading who may struggle to avoid the all-or-nothing mentality with food, I hope they can remember that this doesn’t mean you are only ever allowed to eat when you’re hungry.
Very true. For me it just has to be a “worth it” food – so a gourmet brownie that I want to try for its cool factor rather than a more junky option because I want the taste alone.
Totally agree, Savannah! Reading “Intuitive Eating” really helped me with my disordered eating. I like the idea that you should try to keep your body around a five, but if it’s a special occasion, it’s okay to feel full at a seven or eight (on a one through ten scale).
I think this is such a smart little pause to add in before eating! I do this with my kids — if they’re truly hungry for a snack at an odd time when I wouldn’t expect them to be hungry, I offer carrots or peapods or something similar — if they’re really hungry, they’ll take the veggie. If they only want something like crackers, then I suggest they wait a bit. I need to take my own advice! I’m getting more practice all the time, but it’s a process to replace old habits like reaching for whatever is convenient (and inevitably less nutritious) whenever the urge to snack hits.
I offer carrots or almonds as test snacks 🙂
I love the green bean test too! What a great idea. Kath I miss the Oprah show also. My afternoons have never been the same since her show ended. I learned so much over the years from watching. It came on at the perfect time in the afternoon when I needed a break before starting dinner. Thanks for this post Kath. I have been struggling with emotional hunger for several years now and you have given me something to think about.
Hah, the green bean one is great! I know people use an apple, but I freakin’ love apples and could eat them all day, so green beans would be a good one for me!
Kath, such a timely comment. Thank you for the gentle reminder of being present without ourselves. Love your blog and especially these nuggets of rose gold treasures that help me re-centre on what it’s really about. Happy Thursday
WHen my daughter was three years old, she toddled into the kitchen and said, ” my tongue is bored.”
My lightbulb moment!!
Haha!!
Things rings so true for me and was something I struggle with on days when I have a little too much time, or if I am at home for an extended period of time. I tend to get bored and just go “browse the fridge”. As I have gotten a little bit older, I’ve learned to identify real hunger and emotional hunger, and when it’s the latter, I try to go for a walk or drink some tea. Usually does the trick!
Also- love the green bean trick! I usually use carrots because although I love carrots, when I’m not actually hungry, I think they require so much work to eat! haha
Love this! I use a similar test with celery although I really like celery! I also think that sweet treats have their place. I have dessert every day at 3pm
When I get that strong craving sometimes I’m hungry sometimes I’m not but it works for me to have a dessert then when I crave it the most not after dinner !
The green bean test is a good one. I think it is okay to eat sometimes when we’re not hungry. Maybe it’s a social gathering with others and it’s just an enjoyable experience to share food with everyone. One of my favorite things about Intuitive Eating!
This is an excellent post. A great way to bring attention to what our body truly needs. Thank you.
Yes! Wonderful post! Sharing!
: )
The green bean test is a good idea. I remember grandma for food when I was younger and she started naming off foods, which I declined all of them. She then told me, “Well then you’re not really hungry!” I didn’t get it at the time (I was 7 and wanted cookies for dinner), but it makes sense that if we’re truly hungry, we’d go for nourishing foods rather than empty calories.
Sometimes Mazen will say “I am full of this food, I would like another one.” Haha!
Sometimes my kids say “My tummy says ‘ice cream’!” haha. But they also say “my tummy says ‘no more'” so apparently their tummies truly tell them when they’re hungry or not, they just sometimes want junk food 😉
They learn from us! We’re the ones saying “does your tummy feel full?” Haha!!
My mom used to do this as well- except instead of green beans, it was an apple. If I didn’t want to eat the apple, then she would tell me that I wasn’t truly hungry. I often use that as a gauge to myself if I am truly hungry still as an adult.
I use this with my kids. I always save whatever they don’t eat at lunch, and that is their “snack” when they say they are hungry in the afternoon. Sometimes they eat it, and other times they don’t so I know they were just fishing for a “snacky food.” It’s harder with kids though, as when my son (almost 6) says he’s hungry, he usually is (he is already eating us out of house and home)! But when my daughter (almost 4) says she wants a snack, she generally just wants the carby food.
hi kath, just wanted to say this is a really great post. so many “healthy living bloggers” are out of content these days and their blogs are pretty much useless/all ads but you still come up with thoughtful content. you should be proud!
aw thanks <3 I just go with the flow of what topics are churning in my head!
I love this idea! I do something similar when I’m not sure if I’m hungry or not. I’ll ask myself if I could eat an apple. If an apple sounds appetizing then I’ll have one if it doesn’t then I know I’m probably not actually hungry.
I’ve been a reader for ten years through two pregnancies, a cross country move, and have only commented once but want to say I love, love this article! I love that you touch this topic we all struggle with. Please bring on more about mindless eating and maybe how food (good or bad) make us feel. At the core, our psychology is such a huge part of our physical health.
I like this topic but would add that it’s ok to sometimes eat when we aren’t physically hungry. Food is physical, emotional, social… it’s a matter of making sure food is our ONLY go to when we are bored, angry, lonely etc . If we have various tools in our coping skills tool bag, it will all balance out… sometimes ice cream will comfort us and other times calling a good friend, journaling or a warm bath will.
You said this so succinctly and so perfectly! I love the green bean test… brilliant! Similarly, I recently read something where Michael Pollan says, “if you’re not hungry enough to eat an apple, you’re not hungry enough.” That really stuck with me.
I think one thing that’s challenging for me with the whole emotional eating thing is that I don’t tend to eat when I’m sad or stressed – I eat (and of course imbibe!) when I’m happy and life feels celebratory, which thankfully is most all the time! Still haven’t figured out how to handle this quandry other than with good ol’ redirection and discipline! 🙂
Wonderful post Kath! I chuckled at the green bean hunger gauge. I use apples or cucumber. It really worked for me just this week. I read through the comments and agree with Savannah, RD. If I’m really craving chocolate I will have some. I don’t think that is where you were going with the post but its a good point. Also, I will be buying Deepak’s book. I feel as though the Oprah connection has to do with Geenen Roth though. Feeding the Hungry Heart or Women Food and God address the “What are you Hungry For?” topic. I recently watched Oprah and Geneen interview on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Thanks Kath. xo