My mind is still a little blown that I am pregnant. Although this pregnancy has been very similar to my last physically, emotionally I feel a lot different. Because I know what to expect (for the most part; I know every baby is different) my emotions swing from super excited to super nervous by the day. There is also a part of me that is a little bit in denial. I feel like I have years until he is actually born so I’m not thinking about the birth and baby stage too much. But in reality I’m over halfway there, and the weeks are flying by.
The day I went into labor with Mazen!
Here are some of the things that I am excited and nervous about:
- Seeing Mazen as a big brother. This has already started because Mazen is so sweet to “Brother,” as he is called. He kisses my belly all the time, and talks about how he’s going to teach Brother this and that. I can only imagine what it will be like to see this interaction in person. I have friends with multiple children that talk about how sweet the sibling bond is. I’m also so glad we have the age gap we do. Mazen is so independent and helpful these days, that I think the timing will be perfect for our family.
- I love the baby stage! There’s something so magical about watching babies reach each milestone. And there are so many snuggles! I loved wearing Mazen in a carrier, making him giggle, and having his little hands touch my face. I loved breastfeeding and all the cute baby outfits. I never really minded changing diapers. I really miss pushing a stroller too! I’m really looking forward to the first year (aka before they can run away from you!)
- If we want to talk about excited, let’s talk about how a certain dad-to-be is feeling. He can’t wait! He loves babies and kids and Mazen, and it’s a dream come true to have one of his own. We joke that the only thing we know for sure about this little guy is that between his mother and his father’s genetics, he’s going to have a big nose I’m just so excited for his excitement! (Sorry to get so sappy…)
*KNOCK ON WOOD that everything goes smoothly. See the Nervous section.
- Above all, I want a healthy baby, and I’ve been much more anxious this time around about things going wrong.
- My second fear is how I’m going to handle not sleeping with two children. I think the lack of sleep is the most challenging part of having a newborn. Last time I pulled through by taking lots of naps and sleeping in as late as I could to piece together a full 7-8 hours. I’m not sure how much napping I will be able do this time around and I’ll have to get up and get going with Mazen in the mornings, but I am so glad that he will be in school from 7:30-3 most days. If I need to take a morning nap with the baby I will have that option at least 5/7 days a week. And with any luck we’ll be sleeping okay after the first couple of months.
- As usual, I am also nervous about blogging and how that will all shake out. I do want to take a few weeks off (maybe posting one-two updates per week?) to take some of the pressure off, but of course I’ll want to get back to blogging on all topics sooner rather than later. When Mazen was born, I was mostly doing lifestyle blogging with a high ad rate, but over the past 5 years, blogs have transitioned to being more reliant on custom-sponsored content. Over the past year, I’ve been lucky to secure a lot more time-intensive sponsored posts, which are great for business but hard on the time schedule. I don’t want to say no to anything, but I also don’t want to feel overwhelmed. I think this going to be a game-time decision.
- Because I’ve had a baby before, I remember how hard it was to leave the house. Packing huge diaper bags (these days I rarely even take a purse!), the nursing/nap schedule timing, and traveling (so.much.gear). Life with one 5-year-old is so simple that going back to the logistics of babyhood overwhelms me.
- I’m nervous about giving birth! I definitely want to go for drug-free / all natural again, and part of me thinks it’s going to be a piece of cake because I’ve done it before. (Ha!) But then the other part of me can take my mind back to that night and how awful the pain was and remind myself that it’s probably going to be just as intense this time around. Hopefully just a wee bit shorter. (HOPEFULLY!) I was lucky not to have any complications last time, and those can pop up for anyone, so it’s the unpredictability of birth that makes me most nervous.
Moms of two+ (or anyone!), what were the highs and lows of your first year?